Why Hurt Others
How you handle an emotional infidelity in your relationship is up to you. You obviously have several options, not the least of which is ending the relationship. Some may argue that an emotional affair is not cheating at all. I guess it is a personal decision we all have to make on whether we think it is cheating or not.
Personally, I believe anything that takes the love away from the one you say you love and you freely give it to someone else, is cheating. Doesn’t matter if it is an emotional infidelity or a physical infidelity. Cheating is cheating.
So the question is, what happens when you find out your mate is having an emotional affair, or any kind of affair for that matter? Do you kick them to the curb or do you try to salvage the relationship? Do you even have the strength to try to save it?
If the relationship was on the rocks to begin with, the infidelity may be a blessing in disguise. The two of you can just continue to go your separate ways and the hurt caused by the infidelity is minimal. It will definitely be the final blow though so do not even try to salvage this relationship. It will be a no go.
If the relationship was on solid ground when the infidelity occurred then you need to figure out the level of damage it caused and then react accordingly. And we have all heard the adage, “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” If the relationship was good to begin with the devastation will be enormous and the energy expended to try to save it will be just as enormous.
To the one who had the emotional affair – prepare yourself to have your little transgression thrown in your face every time the two of you have a disagreement. What you did was huge and even though the two of you may save your relationship, it is going to hurt the other one for a long time. Unless he or she is a saint and can forgive and forget then you will be subjected to recurring humiliation time and time again. You can sit there and pout and think to yourself, “Why do they keep throwing this up in my face? I apologized every chance I got, we saved the relationship and they said they forgave me. I don’t get it. Why do I have to keep paying for this?”
Well, if you hurt someone intentionally, that hurt is hard to get over even with all the apologies and sucking up. So suck it up some more and get over yourself. Apologize one more time for being stupid, realize that it is never alright to hurt someone that badly and they are still trying to deal with the devastation they felt. It is so difficult to come back completely from an emotional infidelity. Trust and respect can be rebuilt but it will take some time.